The perfect mother-a useless speciemen
A recent study by BPAS (British Service of Pregnancy Advice) revealed thousands of women to be delaying to conceive, in fear of not being the ‘perfect mother’. The study claimed, as much as almost three quarters of participants, to have disclosed the pressure of being the 'perfect mother' to be amongst the main deterrents.
Conceiving appears to have become a lifestyle choice, it is no longer accepted as a natural phenomenon, but rather a rationalized and commercialized one. The traditional survival and physical health worries held for our offspring now come accompanied with more comtemporary concerns e.g. psychological wellbeing and attachment styles. Making the probability of "succeeding" as this "perfect mother" even less likely and more daunting.
But just what exactly is it that we mean, when referring to a "perfect mother"?
Perfection entails being free of fault, precisely exact. Mechanically speaking, perfection is what one strives for. A clock must be perfect-or it will not measure time correctly. But contrary to this, when used in maternity, the concept of perfection is in fact completely illogical. How could we possibly raise perfect children if we ourselves are the products of an imperfect world?
What would be of us, if, for example 200,000 years ago the species to which we belong, the Homo sapiens, had been perfect at parenting to the point of protecting their young against any experience of the cruel world they belonged to? Had they hunted for their young until the end of their days, never having taught them to hunt for themselves. Protecting them to the extent that prevented them from developing survival mecvhanisms behaviors? What would have been of the descendant species had this idea of perfection in child rearing been prevalent at such a time? One thing is certain, embracing perfection to this level would have had catastrophic consequences in terms of continuation of our species. It would have reared adults incapable of surviving independently. Not knowing how to keep themselves warm, feed themselves, protect themselves from danger would have impeded children from developing adequately, functionally and even socially.
So, the message is simple. Don't strive for perfection, imperfection is am essential quality in the environment that facilitates optimal development. It promotes autonomy-without which none of us can survive.
Strive to be good enough.
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